Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
