Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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