I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize