I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize