u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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