And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
