Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
