I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
