Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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