I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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