i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
