I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
