I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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