Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
