Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
