I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
