Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
