I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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