3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize