Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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