Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
