In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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