We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
