So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
