but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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