I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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