i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will be naked everywhere
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
