Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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