I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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