Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And then he peed in my hair
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