Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
