My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
