Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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