remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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