It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
