I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
