I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize