I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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