I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
