I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
