If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
