I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
