Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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