WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
