Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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