Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
