A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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