My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize