It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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