I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
