I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
