She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
