we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
