I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
