I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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