He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize