I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Come share oat with me in your robe
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
