She's JV to your varsity
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
