Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
