there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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