At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
