Betty ford says i'm here all night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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