Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
