The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
