I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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