The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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