She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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