I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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