It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
